YET STILL MORE EVEN RONDO NOMINEES

TERRIFIER 2 … Two hours and 19 minutes is just way way too long for a slasher. I guess that’s what a successful first film does for you—makes you feel you can do anything.

The first one had a few spooky moments to go with the gore. This one is just grossness, pure and simple.

These “final girls” really need to study their predecessors. Go all the way back to Jamie Lee. Study what she did right and, more importantly, what she did wrong. Mainly: YOU CAN’T KILL THE BOOGEYMAN. 

Okay, we know that the gory dream sequence is just a dream, but it doesn’t remotely feel like a dream. Intentional? Or just lousy filmmaking?

Of course the movie doesn’t make sense—it is nonsense after all, but, I think for the first time ever, this movie shows me that even nonsense has its limits. Ultimately even the nonsense becomes unforgivably nonsensical and the expected lack of logic is just too too damned illogical to pass.

I have contributed a couple of times to crowdfunded movies, but I am not one of the 17 zintillion Indiegogo supporters listed at the end of the movie…so don’t blame me.

GUILLERMO DEL TORO’S PINOCCHIO… It’s a shame that I can spill so many words out on such undeserving movies, then something actually good comes along and I have so little to say.

The problem here is mine. It’s not you, Guillermo, it’s me! I recognize that the care and the artistry and the craftsmanship which went into this one were very high indeed. Very admirable. Even beautiful. But…I’m just not an animation guy. For a while it’s all very ooh neat look at that then more footage unreels and I realize that my mind is wandering. I’m just not paying attention and just not caring very much.

In my defense, I will say that, apart from all the physical beauty on display, I had my doubts about the script and even more doubts about the music.

I did love the movie’s last line, a reflection on time and life and mortality. “What happens, happens. And then we are gone.”

MEN … Is it odd? Yes, it is. Is it weird? Why, yes, yes it is. Is it any good? Again, yes. Sure thing.

It’s also grim and depressing. Not too surprising since the same director’s HEREDITARY, was 3/4 of a terrific horror film and 100% a downer. I haven’t yet watched his MIDSOMMAR. The reasons I give myself for not watching that one are that it’s too long and that I’m just not that fond of nature and mythology horrors. (There’s a term for those…what is it? Can’t remember.) Now, though, I must add another reason for not watching MIDSOMMAR…I imagine it too will be depressing and I don’t need that.

Early on I noticed that a couple of the male actors looked familiar, but I couldn’t place them. A little later it occurred to me that these guys just looked alike. Bad casting, I thought. Yeah, I’m sharp as a tack. Eventually—much too late—I recognized the truth.

What did I see in this movie which I never expected to see anywhere ever? [Oooh, I’m gonna guess—was it seeing Rory Kinnear give birth?] No, Buckwheat, seeing Rory Kinnear give birth was not what I never expected to see. No, what I never expected to see was Rory Kinnear giving birth FOUR FREAKING TIMES!!

Wonderful acting, some terrific and creepy set pieces, but, just when it seems about to land on some meaningfulness, it trips and the claim is lost.