Now…as for the 4 Rondo Best Film Nominated titles which I’ve seen…

THE FIRST OMEN -- Pretty good overall. Good settings, good acting, some striking

scenes. But a little too predictable, I think. A couple of the maybe-would-have-been-

effective shock scenes, I saw coming down the tracks way ahead of the arrival.

Leading lady Nell Tiger Free (yeah, I don’t like it either) is especially terrific in an

horrendously difficult, taxing role.

Also maybe too much beholden to THE OMEN’s grotesque, over-the-top death scenes.

The sound level, particularly dialogue, was very low. I turned up the volume and still had some trouble. When people were talking I could barely hear them, then would come a scream or loud bang and I was practically blown out of my chair.

So I added captions to the mix and that helped. One caption did catch my notice. There was some wind noise and the title read “Cold wind sounds.”  Does cold wind really sound different from…you know…wind?

I appreciated that they took care to tie it into the beginning of THE OMEN. They really didn’t have to. How many modern-day viewers know from the original? And how many can recognize Gregory Peck? Or even the name “Gregory Peck.” So I appreciated theireffort.

THE OMEN original is still better. But THE OMEN remake is much worse. So this…is okay.

FURIOSA: A MAD MAX SAGA --  No, it’s not as good as FURY ROAD, but could we really expect it to be? FURY ROAD, in my eyes at least, is a genuine, full-blooded, no-doubt-about-it masterpiece. 

FURIOSA is a very good movie on its own. The action scenes are not surprising. Theyare typically clever, ingenious, scary, and miraculously well-done. Not a surprise at all.The drama between the action is where the movie falls down just a bit. Not terrible by any means, but a little flat.

In the Mad Max universe, I rate ‘em this way…

THE ROAD WARRIOR

FURY ROAD

FURIOSA

MAD MAX

MAD MAX BEYOND THUNDERDOME

That’s the official word.

Finally, I know that’s Chris Hemsworth as the bad guy. I KNOW THAT!  But I’m telling you--that is NOT Chris Hemsworth as the bad guy. Take it from me.

LISA FRANKENSTEIN --  High school girl Lisa Swallows (yes, that’s her name)

manages to unintentionally resurrect a long-buried dude.

I had read not such good things about this. Mainly the complaint was that it wasn’t

funny. Just maybe mildly pleasant. But it’s also funny. There are not a lot of laugh

out loud moments, but there’s a continuing air of good humor and cleverness.

Kathryn Newton is delightful as Lisa and Cole Sprouse manages to be quite 

effective--and funny--in his mostly silent role.

What can I tell you, I liked it.

NOSFERATU --  After I saw this I kept my opinions to myself for a while, trying

to get my thoughts straight. Actually, I was simply trying to make any sense at 

all of my thoughts.

It’s a very good horror movie. Is that enough? No? Well…

Okay then. It’s a very good horror movie which still disappointed me. I was hoping

this third (major) telling of the Dracula story from this particular angle would be as

great, as powerful, as unforgettable, as the first two. And it just wasn’t. A little too 

diffuse for me. And a little too dark (literally).

Captain Jack Sparrow’s little girl was very good, very good indeed in a tough lead

role. And it was interesting to see the story play out primarily from this heroine/

victim’s point-of-view. But I was less impressed by the vampire himself/itself.

I knew and hoped that they wouldn’t just recycle the original Orlock look. Great as

It was, it’s been played-out now, I fear. But I wasn’t really taken with the look they 

gave us. As everyone has noted, this is clearly a vampire who was a Slavic general 

in life. Got the ‘stache and everything. I’d just prefer something a little more 

corpse-like. This guy looked, when we finally got a chance to see him, like ol’ Joe 

Stalin on a bad day.

But his look is…okay. I can live with that. His voice, however, I really deeply 

Disliked. Yes, it’s very deep and growly..but too much so. It sounds like standard 

deep growly villain voice. It was, to me, almost funny. I can imagine a hefty handful

of better choices.

Beyond that, Nicholas Hoult was probably the best “Jonathan Harker” ever. Of 

course, he also had more to do than just about any other. And Willem Dafoe is a 

fine “Van Helsing”. Other cast members were…okay.

So, yeah, it’s a very good horror film, very good indeed. But it’s not a patch on 

either of its two brilliant predecessors.

Here are this years nominees for best film in the Rondo Awards -- to be exact, The 23rd Annual Rondo Hatton Classic Horror Awards.  

This year there are 18 nominees, of which I’ve seen 4. Kinda pitiful. 

I don’t think I’ll try too hard to see them all this time around, but there are maybe 7 which I wanted to catch in the theater and just…you know…didn’t. So I’ll see how I can do on those, maybe throw in a couple of the stragglers. We’ll see. I’m not about to strain anything in the effort.

Those I’ve already seen are italicized and underlined.     

   ALIEN: ROMULUS

— BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE 

— DEADPOOL AND WOLVERINE

— DUNE, Part 2

— THE FIRST OMEN

— FURIOSA: A Mad Max Saga

— GODZILLA x KONG: The New Empire

— I SAW THE TV GLOW

— JOKER: FOLIE A DEUX

— LISA FRANKENSTEIN

— LONGLEGS

— MAXXINE

— NOSFERATU

— A QUIET PLACE: DAY ONE

— SALEM’S LOT

— SMILE 2

— THE SUBSTANCE

— TERRIFIER 3

 YES, YES, FOR ONE LAST TIME, MORE RONDO NOMINEES!

Aaarrgghhh! I didn’t quite make it. Today is the last day for Rondo voting and I still have four movies unseen. Still, 17 of 21, not bad.

SCREAM… I wasn’t that hugely fond of the original (and, despite the same title, this isn’t a remake), but its saving grace was its humor and its meta approach. This one has the meta, and in spades, but not the humor, not at all. And that’s a big loss. Sans humor, this is just another high school slasher. 

It is nice to see David Arquette and the other returnees, but not even Dewey is funny. What a missed chance. 

The movie does do a nice job of setting up some obvious jump scares…and then not delivering them. I appreciated that.

I’m not sure if it’s the movie, or if I’ve changed, but there’s just no “fun” in these killings. I know how that sounds, but you know what I mean. 

Courteney Cox used to be one of the most gorgeous women ever. Now…Courteney Cox used to be one of the most gorgeous women ever. And I’m not talking about the ravages of time here. That happens to all of us. I would however, like to have a word with her nip and tuck team. I’m sure that the sagging and wrinkling of age is tougher on beautiful people than on the rest of us…still….

I’m beginning to think that slashers—which were never exactly fonts of invention—now have NO new ideas at all.

I could easily have written this movie, or half of it anyway. At least ten times I spoke the next line of dialogue before the movie character did. Can you say predictable? Can you say programmatic?  Yeah, I thought you could.

I thought sure they were setting up a last reel ‘Arbogast’, but no. They may have missed a nice homage there.

And, last but not least, it should have been 20-30 minutes shorter. 

CRIMES OF THE FUTURE … it’s nice to have Cronenberg back in the fold. First time since EXISTENZ, I guess. And this one is both beautiful and horrible to look at.

When I saw Fellini’s CITY OF WOMEN, lo those many years ago, I realized it was not a great film, but I was overwhelmed by the sheer imagination on display. Cronenberg’s imagination is nearly at the same level, just in a much more confined arena. Hey, long live the new flesh, baby!

Question: How are the James Bond films unlike the other movies in Lea Seydoux’s filmography? Answer: For 007 she keeps her clothes on.

I like Viggo, but not his whisper acting. I do understand that some of it comes from his character’s illnesses and weaknesses, still…speak up, Viggo.

Favorite line:  ‘I enjoy trauma.’

THE MENU … Anya Taylor-Joy acts and sounds like the all-American girl next door, but don’t let her fool ya. Just look at her. That is not an earthling, my friends.

The movie is unexpected and “different”. It’s hard to explain how welcome and refreshing “different” can be.

This one is very good indeed. Great settings, great cast, interesting story.

Least believable moment: Anya Taylor-Joy chowing down on a cheeseburger. That girl doesn’t look as if she’s ingested a cheeseburger’s worth of calories in her life.

I liked this one.

BARBARIAN … A disappointment, ultimately. It starts out strong. Creepy stuff, good actors, interesting characters, and a set-up which keeps the viewer in genuine suspense. Then it shifts gears, and it’s still interesting but less so. Then another turn and it’s fairly standard stuff. Too bad.

Early on we get a very good, not entirely predictable, jump scare.

When the young lady goes down into the weird, mysterious cellar to investigate after she’s boldly proclaimed she’d never go down there again, I flashed back on something I heard from a guy in a movie audience long ago. The movie was Italian horror and, yes, the leading lady was going down to the basement of this ultra-creepy house to check out the weird, spooky noises. As she opened the basement door, a guy in the audience offered good advice. He yelled, “Bitch, you go down there you deserve what you get.”

YET STILL MORE EVEN RONDO NOMINEES

TERRIFIER 2 … Two hours and 19 minutes is just way way too long for a slasher. I guess that’s what a successful first film does for you—makes you feel you can do anything.

The first one had a few spooky moments to go with the gore. This one is just grossness, pure and simple.

These “final girls” really need to study their predecessors. Go all the way back to Jamie Lee. Study what she did right and, more importantly, what she did wrong. Mainly: YOU CAN’T KILL THE BOOGEYMAN. 

Okay, we know that the gory dream sequence is just a dream, but it doesn’t remotely feel like a dream. Intentional? Or just lousy filmmaking?

Of course the movie doesn’t make sense—it is nonsense after all, but, I think for the first time ever, this movie shows me that even nonsense has its limits. Ultimately even the nonsense becomes unforgivably nonsensical and the expected lack of logic is just too too damned illogical to pass.

I have contributed a couple of times to crowdfunded movies, but I am not one of the 17 zintillion Indiegogo supporters listed at the end of the movie…so don’t blame me.

GUILLERMO DEL TORO’S PINOCCHIO… It’s a shame that I can spill so many words out on such undeserving movies, then something actually good comes along and I have so little to say.

The problem here is mine. It’s not you, Guillermo, it’s me! I recognize that the care and the artistry and the craftsmanship which went into this one were very high indeed. Very admirable. Even beautiful. But…I’m just not an animation guy. For a while it’s all very ooh neat look at that then more footage unreels and I realize that my mind is wandering. I’m just not paying attention and just not caring very much.

In my defense, I will say that, apart from all the physical beauty on display, I had my doubts about the script and even more doubts about the music.

I did love the movie’s last line, a reflection on time and life and mortality. “What happens, happens. And then we are gone.”

MEN … Is it odd? Yes, it is. Is it weird? Why, yes, yes it is. Is it any good? Again, yes. Sure thing.

It’s also grim and depressing. Not too surprising since the same director’s HEREDITARY, was 3/4 of a terrific horror film and 100% a downer. I haven’t yet watched his MIDSOMMAR. The reasons I give myself for not watching that one are that it’s too long and that I’m just not that fond of nature and mythology horrors. (There’s a term for those…what is it? Can’t remember.) Now, though, I must add another reason for not watching MIDSOMMAR…I imagine it too will be depressing and I don’t need that.

Early on I noticed that a couple of the male actors looked familiar, but I couldn’t place them. A little later it occurred to me that these guys just looked alike. Bad casting, I thought. Yeah, I’m sharp as a tack. Eventually—much too late—I recognized the truth.

What did I see in this movie which I never expected to see anywhere ever? [Oooh, I’m gonna guess—was it seeing Rory Kinnear give birth?] No, Buckwheat, seeing Rory Kinnear give birth was not what I never expected to see. No, what I never expected to see was Rory Kinnear giving birth FOUR FREAKING TIMES!!

Wonderful acting, some terrific and creepy set pieces, but, just when it seems about to land on some meaningfulness, it trips and the claim is lost.

EVEN MORE RONDO NOMINEES

THE NORTHMAN…Since I had already seen Robert Eggers’s THE WITCH and THE LIGHTHOUSE, I knew what to do: turn on the subtitles right from the get-go. Eggers casts wonderful actors and gets terrific performances, but I think he must direct all of them in the same way as regards their dialogue: “be unintelligible.”

This movie, a semi-HAMLET, looks sensational, has nice performances, and tells a fascinating story. It is (probably) a nice recreation of those Viking days and it’s intense and suspenseful. Pretty good stuff. I liked it.

I did find it odd that Nicole Kidman, a very modern actress, seemed totally right in this ancient period while Anya Taylor-Joy, who seems to be from some other time, if not some other planet, is the one actor here who seems too modern and out-of-place.

BLACK PHONE … A pretty good, tight, creepy horror film, a nice mix of serial killer with the supernatural. The villain’s masks are pretty darn great. Mostly I appreciate that it’s kind of its own thing, both in plot and style.

Well…it’s its own thing yes…but we still must note that somebody took several strong cues from SILENCE OF THE LAMBS.

SMILE … The whole evil smile idea is good and creepy and wonderfully simple. This does not rip-off THE RING exactly, but that movie’s influence at least must be admitted.

The leading lady is very good but my God what a role! Pretty much off-the-charts emotion for 90% of the movie. What on earth must that audition process have been like…

I know the character is horrifically upset, but it’s maddening (to the viewer) that she can never calm down enough to present her bizarre story as rationally as possible. When she starts the conversation by screeching that she’s “cursed”, well…ain’t nobody gonna believe a thing she has to say. Admittedly, they probably wouldn’t believe her even if she’d been calm, but they might have thought she just needed some professional help and not an immediate straitjacket. 

The movie has quite a few nice scares, but it’s another film without an ending. Or with too many endings. I’m not sure.

MORE RONDO AWARD NOMINEES

HALLOWEEN ENDS… Every time I’ve seen one of this series with Jamie Lee in it—since H2O, that is— I’ve come away with a strong urge to watch the original. Back when they got it right. Think I’ll do that now.

This is an okay horror movie, no more than that. Jamie Lee is good, it’s nice that Laurie and Michael get a final showdown…again. 

If this truly is the way HALLOWEEN “ends”…well, certainly could be worse. Definitely could be better.

The scriptwriting formula here seems to be two-fold. 1. Supply a whole lot of lousy characters to make bad things happen, and, 2. lean heavy on the motif of innocent people blamed for bad things.

This one might be a little better than HALLOWEEN KILLS, but it’s definitely less exciting. Neither should win any prizes, including Rondos.

NOPE … Jordan Peele is the real deal. I thought that US, while terrifically interesting and well-made, didn’t quite crest the hill. Still good though. But GET OUT was truly terrific and this one just might be even better than that. Again, terrific performances (I adore Keke Palmer), along with great effects and great pictorial images. Nice characters, strong story… I’m not totally sold on the big finish, but there’s no denying that it looks good. 

This is just a wonderful movie. Full marks right down the line.

ORPHAN FIRST KILL … I didn’t like the first movie, mostly because it fell into a category of story which I never enjoy, that being a story in which one person knows the truth but no one else believes.  The best things about the original were the performance of Vera Farmiga and the passing of Isabelle Fuhrman as a child. I bought it utterly.

This one doesn’t have Farmiga, her lesser substitute is Julia Stiles — and when did she become old enough to play the mother of a 20-year-old guy? Time, I hate ye. Stiles is not a bad actress, but she’s not an especially good one either. And here she’s really floundering. Bad role, bad performance. 

Even worse, this movie, made 13 years after the original, fails utterly in passing the returning Fuhrman as a kid. Matter of fact, she couldn’t even pass as a teenager. She looks like a woman in her mid-twenties at best. And the substitution of a real child in full body shots is painfully, painfully obvious. Worse yet, this is actually supposed to be a prequel to the original. Not a chance.

As for other elements… well, it’s professional enough but there’s nothing scary, nothing believable, nothing really interesting. Fail.

THE RONDO AWARDS for 2022

It’s Rondo season again! For those not in the know…

https://rondoaward.com/rondoaward.com/blog/

… check it out.

I’ve decided to try to catch up with all the nominees for Best Movie. I’d try to catch up with everything in every category, but the ballot is immense and time is finite. So, just the films, ma’m. 

There are 21 nominated films, I’ve already seen 4 of them, so I need to get onto these other 17. 

—- AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER

—- BARBARIAN

—- THE BATMAN

—- THE BLACK PHONE

—- BLACK PANTHER: WAKANDA FOREVER

—- BONES AND ALL

—- CRIMES OF THE FUTURE

—- EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE

—- HALLOWEEN ENDS

—- MEN

—- THE MENU

—- THE MUNSTERS

—- NOPE

—- THE NORTHMAN

—- ORPHAN: FIRST KILL

—- PINOCCHIO (Del Toro)

—- PREY

—- SCREAM

—- SMILE

—- TERRIFIER 2

—- VIOLENT NIGHT

—- Or write in another choice:

No, I won’t write in another choice. There’s more than enough there already.

I figure to report in here as I watch ‘em, ‘cause why not?

Here, in brief, are some comments on those I’ve already seen…

AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER…I liked the original well enough. Didn't think it was anything great. It was pretty simple-minded, but certainly nice to look at. But I wondered at the time, thinking of JOHN CARTER as well as AVATAR, when does a live-action film become an animated film? Where’s the line between those forms. Well, this sequel is well over the line. This is a cartoon, folks. And it’s animation supporting a pretty weak script. Soap opera dialogue, elementary school plotting. I saw it on my 55” flatscreen and it looked sharp. Probably looked a lot better in IMAX and 3D and Todd-Ao and Emergo and whatever else they offered. But no matter how good it looked, it still would be a childish cartoon.

THE BATMAN … for the first half or so, I thought I was watching a truly great comic book movie. But then…there was a 10-15 minute stretch which slogged and crawled along, followed by good but standard action. At any rate, no longer anything great.

       I liked that the fate of the world didn’t depend on the final confrontation. Every Marvel movie does that already. This ending is not going to be good for Gotham City, but the world is safe. I appreciated that.

Robert Pattinson is fine. Better than Affleck, maybe even better than Bale (not a huge fan of the Nolan series), but not great. What was wonderful about this Batman was the way we could see his eyes so clearly behind the mask, even in dark scenes. I don’t know if it was lighting or makeup or costuming or computer thumbjiggery or acting or all of the above, but it was a great effect. 

      Also, even considering the dauntingly beautiful string of Catwomen over the years, from Lee Meriwether to Halle Berry, Zoe Kravitz has to go near the top of the list. She’s stunning. And delivers a nice performance as well.

All in all, pretty good as superhero movies go, but not really that much above the norm.

BLACK PANTHER: WAKANDA FOREVER… Not as good as the first one, which was itself probably a little overrated. This one is too busy for my taste. It’s also more emotional than most any other comic book movie, which is understandable considering the tragic, early death of the first movie’s star.

I love Angela Bassett, always have, and thought she was good here, but I was surprised at her Oscar nomination. I mean, she’s not THAT good, and it hardly seems the sort of role which inspires or requires that level of acting. 

Okay, but not much better.

THE MUNSTERS …       I was not a MUNSTERS fan. I watched it weekly in its initial broadcast because it was, you know, Monsters. But I never found it funny and always much preferred THE ADDAMS FAMILY. But I watched it, oh yeah.       

      So here I am, watching this movie, made by Rob Zombie whose previous movies--with one mild exception--I really didn’t like. Because…they’re monsters, dude.

      I loved that the movie started with the old Universal globe. Nice touch.

      The movie looks just great. The sets, the costumes, the cinematography, all gorgeous.

      I did very much like Jeff Daniel Phillips as Herman. Apart from his laugh, I didn’t see or hear much Fred Gwynne. Phillips, for the most part, made it his own and underplayed quite wonderfully. Thumbs up for him.

      And thumbs up also for Dan Roebuck. It’s much easier to find a lot of Al Lewis in the performance, but I thought the impression was just enough to remind and honor, not so much as to offend or overdo.

      Sheri Moon Zombie is an extremely attractive Lily and I know she can act (she was quite good in Rob’s best movie, LORDS OF SALEM), but the lady seems to have no feel for comedy. Frankly neither does her husband. Maybe she was just following flawed direction. Or maybe she thought she was channeling Yvonne DeCarlo. She wasn’t. And whatever she was doing just was not funny.

       But then again, that’s the problem with the movie overall. It is just not funny, not at all.  I was going to try to split the blame between Rob Zombie and the scriptwriter, but then the end credits told me that Rob was the scriptwriter, so… sorry, Rob. Ya ain’t funny. And when the things in your “comedy” which come closest to being humorous are the supposedly bad jokes told by Herman, well, ya might have a problem.

       Of course, not being a MUNSTERS fan at any point in my life, and never having found them funny, I thought maybe I wasn’t a fair audience. So I texted my son, who is a huge MUNSTERS fan and a huge Rob Zombie fan. I asked him if he’d seen it (he had) and what he thought. He said that it was nice to see the characters again and revisit the family but that it wasn’t funny. I told him I hadn’t laughed once and he agreed, “no,” he said, “it’s totally unfunny.”  My son is very smart.