For Father's Day, my wonderful, kind, brilliant, generous son took me to the movies, at my

request. We saw FURIOSA (my choice) and I loved it. George Miller is, always has been,

and always will be, a moviemaking genius. 

The opening credits tell us that the movie stars Anya Taylor-Joy and Chris Hemsworth, in

that order. I knew that Anya, The Alien Who Doesn’t Look Human At All, was playing

Charlize Theron but I had no idea what role Hemsworth filled. 

Since I'd first read that Hemsworth was in the movie, I was doubtful. That sort of

uber-muscled, chiseled-profile movie star seemed wrong and out-of-place for a “Mad Max

Saga.”  I could understand Hemsworth taking the job. After all, working in a Mad Max

must be like a blessing from the gods for any Australian actor. I couldn’t understand,

however, why George Miller would cast him. It just felt wrong to me--Thor and Max

don’t mix--but I was hopeful of George and Chris showing me how stupid I was.

So we’re about two hours into the movie, half-hour to go, and I’m thinking. Always a

dangerous thing.  I was just about to lean over to my son and whisper this wisdom:

“Chris Hemsworth has the best billing since Mark Hamill in THE FORCE AWAKENS.

He’s got second-billing, we’re two hours into the movie and no sign of him.

Thankfully, I did not say that. Sudden doubts. Didn’t want to reveal myself as an idiot. 

Clearly the hook-nosed villain was the second-largest role, but that was not Chris Hemsworth.

I knew it wasn’t. It just wasn’t, don’t contradict me. 

I actually thought, when we got our first look at the baddie's muscles, that we'd eventually see

a posing battle between Chris and the villain. Yeah, I thought that.

But I wanted one more look at him. Really look into his eyes, really take stock, see if there

was any way it might be beautiful Chris. 

And there he was. I leaned forward and stared deep into his eyes. Tried to peer all the way

into his soul. No. That simply was not Chris Hemsworth. There was no sign of his totally

familiar, disgustingly beautiful features in that bad guy’s face. Not a trace.

End of the movie. I decided that the villain was played by…Chris Hemsworth. I know it

now and I accept it. But I will swear to the end of days that no bit of Thor peeked through

that disguise. So well done, I guess.

I have told you that I’m really old, haven’t I?

DONALD SUTHERLAND

Since the sad passing of Donald Sutherland, there have been a ton of “tributes” on Facebook,

on film boards, on blogs, in the New York Times. All of these list some of Sutherland’s

movies. Clearly those most often mentioned are M.A.S.H. (understandably), INVASION OF

THE BODY SNATCHERS (of course), and THE HUNGER GAMES (gotta keep the kiddies

happy…and it’s a pretty good movie, too.) But not mentioned as much are my three choices.

These are the movies which feature, to my eyes, the best Donald Sutherland performances,

the films which remind us that the guy was truly a fine actor when he had the role.

JOANNA… I think this was the first of Sutherland’s movies I ever saw. I know it was the first

in which I really noticed him. His performance as a dying, gay, English lord was so touching

that I made sure to read the end credits to find out the name of that terrific actor.  The movie

itself was an arty, hippie, fuzzy-imaged thing. It was very much of its time. As a matter of

fact, it was too much of its time even in its time, if you follow.  To be perfectly honest, the

movie is laughably bad.  Sutherland, though, was wonderful.

DON’T LOOK NOW … Sutherland plays grief, confusion, passion, skepticism, hope and, ultimately… nah. No spoilers.  He is paired here with Julie Christie and they are both nigh-perfect. The movie is one of the greatest horror films of all time. And those who know me will recognize that that is a compliment of which I am truly sparing.

ORDINARY PEOPLE … Timothy Hutton won the Oscar for this, Mary Tyler Moore was the

big, everybody’s-talkin’-’bout-her surprise of the movie, but it was Sutherland who broke my

freakin’ heart.

Thanks for the memories, sir, and rest in peace.

 

When I was a pathetically shy 17-year-old, just before I started to develop something of a life, I had a sad, embarrassing, time-passing habit. I would sit in a boring English or Chemistry class and, with ruler and pencil, I'd make a grid on a piece of school paper. I would then, from memory, fill in the entire primetime schedules of all three (at the time) TV networks. I never left a blank space, never had to think too hard. In those lost days, TV was about all I had in my existence. Well, that and monster movies. I've always had the monsters to keep me company.

Sometimes I'd just start filling in the grid from early Monday evening and work straight through the week. Channel 3 (NBC) at the right side of the page, Channel 11 (CBS) down the middle, and Channel 32 (ABC) out there on the right. Sometimes I'd start with favorite shows and fill in around them. At least once I tried to start from the most recent show I'd watched and work my way back.

Pitiful, I know. You don't have to tell me.

I thought of this tonight for the first time in ages. You see, tonight I tuned into Fox to watch the Yankees game. I had almost forgotten how to access actual TV on my, uhh, TV. And I realized that the last time I'd watched broadcast TV was...the Super Bowl. Four months ago. 

I'd watched a lot of YouTube, some streaming, a few Blu-rays, but no Real TV.  

As far back as I can remember, back to when I was maybe three years old, we always had a TV set. We always watched that TV set. Certainly there has never been a time in my life when I was away from broadcast television for as long as four months.

I've read and heard, of course, of the imminent death of standard broadcast TV. Maybe that prediction is wrong, but you couldn't prove it by me.

Presented as my personal testament to the looming extinction of the Peacock, the Eye, and whatever ABC and FOX pass themselves off as.

RIP TV.