The first movie I ever saw in a theater was THE SHAGGY DOG in June, 1959. It was the only family movie outing we ever had while Dad was still in the family. After he left, we saw a few movies with Momma and a few with Dad but never the twain did meet.

From THE SHAGGY DOG on, I became a fairly regular moviegoer. For the next sixty years and a little more, I went to the movies. During some periods I went frequently, during other periods sporadically. But never, in those sixty-plus years was there an occasion when more than a few months passed without my trekking out to the cinema.

In my old age, which has been going on now for a damned long time, my viewings fell way off. Still, I probably averaged a movie outing per month, though occasionally a few months might pass without a moviegoing experience.

Then, Covid. So ya know. The last movie I saw in a theater in the Before Tymes was KNIVES OUT, January 2020. Then a long time passed till I ventured out for THE FRENCH DISPATCH and then NO TIME TO DIE. A couple months later I bought a ticket for NO TIME TO DIE again. Yes, again. That was late in 2021, maybe early 2022. 

Then…nothing. Time passed. More than a year and a half passed and I never went out to the movies. I kinda missed it. Finally, just last week, I walked the endless three blocks to Regal Cinemas to see an actual movie in an actual theater. ‘Bout time, bitch.

The movie was MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: DEAD RECKONING, PART ONE, which is just way way too much title for one movie. And I had a fabulous time. Popcorn and Diet Coke and reclining seat and a really good movie. 

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, ETC. has, no surprise, sensational action sequences and a pleasingly convoluted plotline. It also has, of course, Tom Cruise. I’m certainly not the first to say it, but let me be the latest to repeat it, I think Tom Cruise genuinely is The Last Movie Star.

Who else can “open” a movie these days? Who else delivers a movie every year or two, no more no less?  Wait, you say, what about Tom Hanks? What about Robert DeNiro? Maybe Meryl Streep? Well, wonderful actors, sure. Formerly big movie stars, absolutely. But they all seem to turn out a dozen “movies” a year now, most of which never see the inside of a theater. It’s a different thing. Different animal.

Tom Cruise, The Last Movie Star. I stand by that. 

So, is MI:DRP1 a great movie? No, it isn’t. Great as the action is, lovely as the settings are, talented as the actors are, it’s not a Great movie. 

The action, naturally, must be broken every now and then to impart some information and, more importantly, to give the audience a rest. The problem here is that the dialogue in those breaks…not good. Sappy and obvious. A couple of decent gags, but, all in all, pretty rancid stuff. It’s almost painful to watch people like Simon Pegg and Ving Rhames struggle to make some turgid, fakey words sound acceptable.

Cruise and Rebecca Ferguson are somewhat spared those indignities. It even occurred to me that Tom might have seen what the dialogue was and suggested cutting some of his. Or maybe, “hey, why not have Simon say this instead of me?”  Cruise--no idiot he--might very well have managed something like that. Well. He was a producer, after all.

Anyway, very enjoyable action movie. Well worth seeing. Hugely entertaining. But far from perfect. And I enjoyed myself so much that I went back to the movies less than a week later. But that’s another story. A very pink story.

           Okay, I see Tom Cruise, Rebecca Ferguson, Ving Rhames, and, apparently, 
                                    Madame Tussaud's take on Simon Pegg.