FIFTY YEARS AGO TODAY

    Fifty Years Ago Today was Saturday, May 26, 1973 … Argentina's new president Hector Campora announced the pardon for all political prisoners, including members of the Montoneros terrorist group. At the Villa Devoto jail, guards fired on a crowd demanding the prisoners’ liberation and killed two protesters…. A U.S. Secret Service agent was killed, and nine other persons on board a presidential helicopter were injured, when the U.S. Army Sikorsky VH-3A crashed into the Atlantic Ocean while patrolling the waters around President Nixon's vacation home at Grand Cay Island in the Bahamas. ….Top of the record charts this week was, believe it or not, FRANKENSTEIN by the Edgar Winter Group…

Myself…still nothin’ nothin’.  Still between shows, still working for my dad, still married (or so reports say. I remember none of it.)

But there was this…I had totally forgotten about this show till I stumbled over the ad in the newspaper archives. The musical was co-written by a good friend of mine and, since he was a friend and since it was being performed at a theater at which we'd both often worked well...I was required to attend. And…yeah…not good. Now, what to say to the guy after the show.? It was an all-too-familiar problem. The trick was to be noncommittal and as near honest as possible. Classics of the art are such as..”Well, you did it again!” or “What can I say? What can I possibly say?” or, maybe the worst, “you’ve never been better.”  I call it post-performance perjury.

Happening upon the ad, it all came flooding back. I don’t remember anything about the show except that it really wasn’t good. But I do remember now that it … happened.

This night, on Channel 41's Fright Night, we got HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN and 12 TO THE MOON. I'd already seen both of them, so I probably didn't tune in.

As for today’s movie…

My memory of viewing this one is a little odd. I remember seeing it in a theater--I can even remember sitting in the damn theater seat and staring at the movie on the screen. It’s a clear memory except I can’t remember what theater I saw it in.  Usually I have a clear recollection of the theater in which I saw a particular movie and its location. Maybe not the exact theater but at least that it was in a mall, or it was one of the theaters on 4th Street, or it was some theater in downtown Cincinnati or Denver or wherever.  This time, I remember sitting there watching it, but I have no feeling for where the theater was. Odd.

And what was the movie I saw? Why it was…

BARON BLOOD

Aaaand the old Show Clock up on the wall tells us that the movie was being screened at Grant Plaza. This was the closest movie theater to where I lived at the time. I could drive there in two minutes or less. And it was maybe the most impersonal theater I ever attended. Simply a concrete block rectangle with some seats bolted in. No wonder I couldn't remember the place. It was faceless.

Directed by the great Mario Bava, released by good ol’ AIP, this had to be special, right? Might even be an instant classic, wouldn’t surprise me.

But it wasn’t. It was just another horror movie. Better than many, lesser than others. Just another brick in the wall. So, yeah, it was a disappointment. Not that it was bad, just that I expected and hoped--with good reason I think--for better.

I have seen this a couple more times in the intervening years and my opinion hasn’t changed a mite. Maybe this time.

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The dubbing of this thing could be from any or every European horror film of the ‘60s--70s. It has that generic sound and feel…

Ah, good old Luciano Pigozzi. “The Italian Peter Lorre”...

Luciano was not an attractive man, but he usually looked a little better than this.

The final shot of the iron maiden scene might as well be from the oeuvre of Lucio Fulci…

Once again a European horror benefits from European antiquity. Another great and real castle…

Elke Sommer is not a great actress. She may even fall short of adequate. But she’s not here--or in any of her movies--for her emotive skills. She’s here for her phenomenally high Babe Factor…

I do love it when Elke and the two guys jump into the car to go protect the little girl, and it’s Elke doing the driving. Woman Power, Babe!  Babe Power, Women!...

Whenever I see Joseph Cotten here, or even more so in LADY FRANKENSTEIN, it pains me. How the mighty have fallen. He came to Hollywood tied to Orson Welles and had CITIZEN KANE and THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS under his belt before you could say ‘Everett Sloane’. Now he’s overacting in budget horror movies…

Also, Cotten is a fine actor, but not a particularly intimidating villain…

All in all, BARON BLOOD is a very standard horror film. Almost a genuine monster movie. Typical, unsurprising stuff. It’s slightly embellished by some nice camera work, both visuals and movement, but still awfully standard. And definitely unworthy of Maestro Bava…

Yeah, very pretty, Maestro. But pretty ain't enough unless your name is Elke.

And Baron Blood hisownself wishes you pleasant dreams.